{"id":10365,"date":"2021-04-16T05:00:08","date_gmt":"2021-04-16T12:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/?p=10365"},"modified":"2021-04-13T07:46:13","modified_gmt":"2021-04-13T14:46:13","slug":"superhero-month-its-autism-acceptance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/superhero-month-its-autism-acceptance\/","title":{"rendered":"Superhero Month &#8211; It&#8217;s Autism Acceptance!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-key=\"142\"><span data-key=\"141\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Hello, Beloved \u2013 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"144\"><span data-key=\"143\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">April is Autism Acceptance month, and as I have many autistic friends (one of whom reminded me of the significance of the month, thank you!), it seems the perfect time to write about autism. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"146\"><span data-key=\"145\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">As I was writing in my journal this morning, I was thinking of various stereotypes I grew up with about autistic people (or autistics, as some folks like to be called):<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<ul class=\"unordered-list\" data-key=\"393\">\n<li class=\"list-item\" data-key=\"394\"><span class=\"list-item-child\" data-key=\"149\"><span data-key=\"147\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">They are less intelligent than others and are developmentally delayed;<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"list-item\" data-key=\"420\"><span class=\"list-item-child\" data-key=\"419\"><span data-key=\"418\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">They are non-verbal;<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"list-item\" data-key=\"446\"><span class=\"list-item-child\" data-key=\"445\"><span data-key=\"444\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Being non-verbal is a sign of low intelligence;<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"list-item\" data-key=\"472\"><span class=\"list-item-child\" data-key=\"471\"><span data-key=\"470\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">There is nothing beneficial about being autistic;<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"list-item\" data-key=\"498\"><span class=\"list-item-child\" data-key=\"497\"><span data-key=\"496\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Being autistic is a mental illness (or, as I said above, deficiency);<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"list-item\" data-key=\"524\"><span class=\"list-item-child\" data-key=\"523\"><span data-key=\"522\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Autistic people don\u2019t experience feelings \u2013 they have a flat affect that shows that they\u2019re not feeling anything.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p data-key=\"166\"><span data-key=\"165\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">It\u2019s almost embarrassing to write this list now. Laughable, even. Let\u2019s take them one at a time. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"172\"><span data-key=\"167\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Four of the autistic people I <\/span><em data-slate-mark=\"true\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">know<\/span><\/em><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\"> are autistic (that is to say, they have come out to me about it) have advanced degrees and are or are becoming religious professionals. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"600\"><span data-key=\"599\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">All these people are excellent communicators, especially in writing, but also in speaking, especially when they\u2019re not being put on the spot;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"641\"><span data-key=\"640\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">As for being non-verbal being wrong or bad or showing low intelligence, I would like to point out that there are many ways to communicate. If an autistic child wants an apple, and holds her hand out for the apple, but one pushes and pushes for the child to ask for it verbally, <\/span><em data-slate-mark=\"true\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">violence <\/span><\/em><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">is being done to that child\u2019s feelings. The intensity with which autistic people, and particularly autistic children feel, can make looking someone in the eye or speaking out loud to ask for something <\/span><em data-slate-mark=\"true\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">extremely<\/span><\/em><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\"> stressful \u2013 it\u2019s not about low intelligence, as far as I can tell. As far as I can tell, it\u2019s about stress and strain on their emotional system;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"700\"><span data-key=\"699\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">We\u2019ll come back to this. Autistic people deserve fucking CAPES for all the superpowers they have;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"741\"><span data-key=\"740\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Autism is not a mental illness. It is, like attention deficient hyperactivity \u201cdisorder,\u201d a neurodivergence. Neurodivergence is a word coined by autistic people to describe mental <\/span><em data-slate-mark=\"true\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">difference<\/span><\/em><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\"> that is not an illness. There is a whole constellation of ways of being in the world. There is a fairly narrow band we have, as a culture, defined as \u201cnormal,\u201d or neurotypical. Identifying some ways as neurodivergent just describes them without ascribing value or some kind of score to that person\u2019s experience or way of moving through the world;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"800\"><span data-key=\"799\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">This last point is one that when I learned it, I learned it HARD. It\u2019s not that autistic people have no feelings, nor even that they have a less developed range of emotional motion than neurotypical people do. On the contrary, autistic people are highly sensitive, and especially sensitive to the fact that the rules that govern interactions among neurotypical people are opaque to them.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"200\"><span data-key=\"199\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Now for other important things for neurotypical people to know about autistic people. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"203\"><span data-key=\"201\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Don\u2019t take anything for granted. Don\u2019t assume that you know what a particular facial expression does or doesn\u2019t mean. Don\u2019t assume that an autistic person is ignoring you because they\u2019re knitting, drawing, flapping their hands, or rubbing fabric. These behaviors are called stimming, and many of us who are (more or less) neurotypical do them too; we just don\u2019t do them as often or as obviously. For example, I rub velvet and like to feel other textured things. Petting my cat helps me calm down if I am upset. That action, that petting of Maddie\u2019s soft fur, is a kind of stimming.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"874\"><span data-key=\"873\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Autistic people just need to <\/span><em data-slate-mark=\"true\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">know<\/span><\/em><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\"> what the rules are. Most of them have spent a lifetime trying to figure out what the rules of interaction are, not knowing, and just knowing that they\u2019re probably \u201cdoing them wrong.\u201d They don\u2019t know why or how, just that it\u2019s wrong. (Compare this to people with ADHD. We understand the rules, but we just know that we fuck them up all the time. Ahem.) <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"900\"><span data-key=\"899\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Being clear and direct with an autistic person is something that 90% of the time, they will really appreciate. \u201cMidwestern Nice\u201d is not something that will help your autistic friend. Just tell them, \u201cHey, I\u2019ve really enjoyed this conversation, but I have to go do this other thing.\u201d I\u2019ve been in situations where I was trying to get off a chat interaction, gently but clearly, and it wasn\u2019t until I said, \u201cDarlin\u2019, I just have to go. I\u2019m hanging on by a thread here, I\u2019m so tired. Take care, and we\u2019ll talk tomorrow.\u201d My friend was glad that I had told faer, and I was glad to get off the phone. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"998\"><span data-key=\"997\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Similarly, letting autistic people know what to expect in given circumstances is SUPER DUPER EXTRA DOABLE PLUS HELPFUL. And in as much detail as you can give them. No, more detail than that. \ud83d\ude0a One of my friends got this piece of advice: When you\u2019re on a Zoom call job interview, it\u2019s especially important to look at the camera when <\/span><em data-slate-mark=\"true\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">you<\/span><\/em><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\"> are talking and look \u201caround the room\u201d when other people are talking. The neurotypical people in the room will interpret that as engagement. My friend who received this advice was SO grateful, and fae wanted to know how neurotypical people just know this stuff. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"1263\"><span data-key=\"1262\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Autistic people have had, and generally still have to do what is called \u201cmasking\u201d most of the time. It is basically trying to figure out the rules and live them out without actually understanding what they are. It is SUPER draining and tiring, and feels fake. Faking is something that autistic people hate often more than anything else. Why? Because for them it is lying. It is being someone they\u2019re not, acting in ways that aren\u2019t natural to them. The more you can make it safe for autistic people not to mask, the closer your relationship can be.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"1325\"><span data-key=\"1324\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">You may have noticed that rather than saying, \u201cpeople with autism,\u201d I have said, \u201cautistic people.\u201d Why? This word choice has been suggested by autistic people because they don\u2019t experience autism as separate from them; it\u2019s not a disability, it\u2019s not something they have outside themselves. It is literally who and how they are and how they move through the world. And so out of respect for that description, I describe people as I have heard them ask to be described, just as I try to use the pronouns that are appropriate to them. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"1369\"><span data-key=\"1368\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">Autistic people have superpowers directly related to autism. They are great at seeing patterns (something I can\u2019t do in a million years). They are phenomenal, not only at noticing problems, but having potential solutions at hand. One thing, in fact, that I have found difficult about my autistic friends, and something I\u2019ve sometimes had to put boundaries around, is that there is a certain insistence that can come along with thinking that you have the answer, the answer is the best, and that other people should just get out of the way and let you work to fix the problem. So brainstorming, for example, can be really difficult for autistic people. Just generating ideas can feel frustrating and counterproductive if they believe they have this answer. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"1395\"><span data-key=\"1394\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">But this, too, is a superpower. What do I mean? I give you, Greta Thunberg, the environmental activist. One of my dearest autistic friends has called Ms. Thunberg, a \u201ctiny autistic prophet.\u201d And that is the greatest superpower of all \u2013 being able to see what can happen if things don\u2019t go well, how to fix them, and not being afraid to say so.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"234\"><span data-key=\"233\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">So I give you some of what I know, my friends. And please, autistic friends, feel free to write back, tell me what I\u2019ve missed and what you wish I\u2019d said. I\u2019m here for you. I\u2019m here for all of us, but autistic lives matter. Autistic experience matters. Autistic children matter. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"236\"><span data-key=\"235\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">All the love. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"238\"><span data-key=\"237\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">~Catharine~<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"240\"><span data-key=\"239\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">PS \u2013 By the way, the organization known as Autism Speaks has no single autistic person on their board, and they are NOT supported by any autistic person I know. In fact, the name is often written, \u201cAuti$m $peaks.\u201d Autistic people, kids or adults, are not missing a puzzle piece. They are whole people.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p data-key=\"242\"><span data-key=\"241\"><span spellcheck=\"true\" data-slate-content=\"true\">PPS \u2013 If you, neurotypical or neurodivergent, are interested in one-on-one spiritual accompaniment, or working within the confines of a safe and tender small group, please do let me know. Just reply to this email.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hello, Beloved \u2013 April is Autism Acceptance month, and as I have many autistic friends (one of whom reminded me of the significance of the month, thank you!), it seems the perfect time to write about autism. As I was writing in my journal this morning, I was thinking of various stereotypes I grew up [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1797,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[192],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10365"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10365"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10365\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1797"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10365"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10365"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}