{"id":7568,"date":"2020-05-01T05:00:41","date_gmt":"2020-05-01T12:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/?p=7568"},"modified":"2020-05-01T05:00:41","modified_gmt":"2020-05-01T12:00:41","slug":"can-withhold-mine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/can-withhold-mine\/","title":{"rendered":"How Can I Withhold What is Not Mine?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u200bWe own nothing. Nothing is ours.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not even love so fierce it burns like baby stars.<\/span><\/p>\n

But this poverty is our greatest gift:<\/span><\/p>\n

The weightlessness of us as things around begin to shift.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls, from “Everything in its Own Time”<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Two weeks ago, I\u00a0<\/span><\/span>had\u00a0<\/span><\/span>an embarrassment of spiritual riches through my business\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and spiritual\u00a0<\/span><\/span>support community<\/span><\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Monday,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>a regular morning<\/span><\/span>\u00a0call (which begins with meditation and prayer); Tuesday, a meeting with my ministry\/business coach; Wednesday, Holly Glaser\u2019s Deep Dive Heart Check-in<\/span>\u00a0meditation<\/span>;\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Thursday, a delicious meeting with a deep and open client from the other side of the globe;\u00a0<\/span><\/span>and Friday, a Zoom-enabled Sufi retreat.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

A\u00a0<\/span><\/span>lot. It was beautiful, and combined with my daily practices, it was just\u2026<\/span><\/span>aie<\/span><\/span>,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>friends, I barely have words for it, but here I am, writing to you about it<\/span><\/span>\u00a0anyway<\/span>. It makes me think of\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Playing by Heart<\/span><\/em>\u00a0in which Angelina Jolie’s character, Joan,\u00a0says, \u201cTalking about love is like dancing about architecture.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Sometimes talking about spiritual experiences is like that, I suppose. And when it leaves you giddy (<\/span><\/span>Old English\u202f<\/span><\/span>gidig<\/span><\/em>\u00a0<\/em>\u2018insane\u2019, literally \u2018possessed by a god<\/span><\/span>\u2019) and dizzy (<\/span><\/span>Old English\u202f<\/span><\/span>dysig<\/span><\/em>\u00a0<\/em>\u2018foolish\u2019<\/span><\/span>\u00a0from Old High German, \u201cfoolish, weak\u201d), well, it makes things even harder. I still feel a little dizzy, weakened, giddy,\u00a0<\/span>god-touched<\/span><\/span>. And the powerful sense that I had during the Wednesday meditation, that I could just curl up in the lap of the Divine and be utterly, completely safe, well, that comes and goes.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So<\/span><\/span>\u00a0what happened? What has made me giddy, dizzy, drowsy?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

On<\/span><\/span>\u00a0Wednesday, during Holly\u2019s Deep Dive, I did indeed \u201cgo deep,\u201d as we say. She prayed in Arabic (Holly is Sufi) and gave\u00a0<\/span>the participants<\/span><\/span>\u00a0instructions over the\u00a0<\/span>course of about forty-five minutes\u00a0<\/span><\/span>regarding<\/span><\/span>\u00a0our\u00a0<\/span>bodies, our\u00a0<\/span><\/span>breathing, our thoughts, the shape of our meditations. She told us to bring our questions to the Source of Love, however we imagine, feel, believe, or experience that Source to be. She talked about how she puts her questions into a sort of great, cloudy Hand of God she imagines emerging from the mist.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

For a while, I\u00a0<\/span><\/span>didn\u2019t<\/span><\/span>\u00a0know what my question was. And for a while, I\u00a0<\/span>didn\u2019t<\/span><\/span>\u00a0know whether I had a question for me or for others. Whether it was something just for my own heart to hear, or something to share.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But I did eventually, ask, \u201cWhat should I do next?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Just simple. \u201cWhat should I do next?\u201d I think I meant it about The Way of the River as a business and a ministry. I think I meant it in that context, but the answer\u00a0<\/span><\/span>may<\/span><\/span>\u00a0be much larger than I realized.\u00a0<\/span>Time will tell.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWhat should I do next?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cWithhold nothing.\u201d Withhold nothing. Withhold nothing. Withhold nothing.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It rang through my head\u00a0<\/span><\/span>at\u00a0<\/span><\/span>first like a whisper, a featherlight kiss<\/span><\/span>\u00a0on my forehead<\/span>, and then eventually as a matter-of-fact admonition: Withhold nothing.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Two days later, in the retreat we shared at Heart of Business, one of the Holy Names of God we held was, \u201c<\/span><\/span>Maliku<\/span><\/span>-L-Mulk\u201d\u2014the Ultimate Owner, the Lord of All Worlds. I laughed out loud when I learned it.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>The Ultimate Owner.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>That\u2019s<\/span><\/span>\u00a0surely not me!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Who holds all things? In Sufi theology, of course, it is Allah, the Oneness, the Unity of All Things. And that is not\u00a0<\/span><\/span>so<\/span><\/em>\u00a0far off from the theology of my Wiccan practice\u2026that all things emanate from the One and Many\u2014Male, Female, All, and None. One, many, multiplicity, unity\u2026 It\u00a0<\/span>didn\u2019t<\/span><\/span>\u00a0matter in those moments.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

In those moments of the retreat where I listened and learned about\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Maliku<\/span><\/span>-L-Mulk, and thought and meditated and prayed, several things came to mind. One that came up very strongly is from the Indigo Girls\u2019 sacred text, the song, \u201cEverything in its Own Time,\u201d which I have quoted above. \u201cWe\u00a0<\/span><\/span>own<\/span><\/span>\u00a0nothing\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

And there were others, blessings of poverty and giving away everything. St. Francis. St. Clare. The Discalced Carmelites. People from my Catholic past whose stories rose up within me.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But the admonition to withhold nothing is not the same as an admonition to give away everything. I have not suddenly given away all my possessions or sold them and given the money to the poor. For one thing,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I\u2019m<\/span><\/span>\u00a0not Christian, so I don\u2019t experience that\u00a0<\/span>as a\u00a0<\/span><\/span>commandment.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>But the difference is slight,\u00a0<\/span><\/span>I\u2019ll<\/span><\/span>\u00a0own that, it\u2019s slight.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Withhold nothing.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

The question of withholding makes me ask, what\u00a0<\/span><\/span>am<\/span><\/em>\u00a0I holding back, where and why and how? And some of those answer \u2013 ha! \u2013 I do withhold from this space right now because they are private. Not secret, but private. They are matters of the heart, the household, they have their own place to be revealed or discussed or prayed about.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

It seems unlikely that the admonition, \u201cWithhold nothing,\u201d means give everything away all the time. I think of Naomi Shihab Nye\u2019s reminder to the artist in \u201cThe Art of Disappearing:\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span>Walk around feeling like a leaf.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\/\u00a0<\/span>Know you could tumble any second.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\/<\/span>Then<\/span><\/em>\u00a0decide what to do with your time.<\/span>\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

There are things that must be held close with as close as infinite tenderness, infinite gentleness as we can imagine: embers to be blown on gently, birds who little, air-filled bones will break if we clasp them too tightly and which will fly\u00a0<\/span><\/span>away if we open our hands entirely.\u00a0<\/span><\/span>We keep some things close so that we can give them more fully later. Yes!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Everything in its own time.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

If I own nothing, how can I withhold anything<\/span><\/span>?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Withholding is an illusion, I suppose. One of those pieces of selfness that falls away with Enlightenment, or perfect Presence, or ultimate Union with the Divine.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

And maybe that is\u00a0<\/span><\/span>another<\/span><\/span>\u00a0lesson. Just to remember that nothing I have is my own. All things I \u201chave\u201d I do because they have been given to me by my ancestors, by the spinning Earth and Her gravity, by bees and their generous work, by methods I have been taught, by ways I have emulated, by the action of galaxies I will never understand\u2026I have created nothing alone. All that I seem to have came from somewhere else, from the vast swirling spirals of connection, the innumerable webs of space and time, the Ten Thousand Blessings that connect me to all the rest that is.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

And there it is again, my beloveds,<\/span><\/span>\u00a0one of the things it always comes back to<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0We are all part of the Big Picture. We are all in it together. The Big Picture wastes nothing. The great Vultures of the Universe recycle and recycle and recycle. Our matter and energy cannot be generated, nor can they be destroyed. We are eternal, my friends, just not in this beingness we have now.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But\u00a0<\/span><\/span>here\u2019s<\/span><\/span>\u00a0a<\/span>\u00a0thing not to withhold<\/span>\u00a0from you.<\/span>\u00a0I\u00a0<\/span>don\u2019t<\/span><\/span>\u00a0think consciousness is recycled. I read Richard Bach say<\/span>ing<\/span><\/span>\u00a0that the universe recycles everything, so why not consciousness? I just\u00a0<\/span>don\u2019t<\/span><\/span>\u00a0think\u00a0<\/span>it happens that way<\/span><\/span>. I do not see the evidence or feel the presence of past lives, though\u00a0<\/span><\/span>they\u2019re<\/span><\/span>\u00a0fun to think about.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

But the Mighty Dead, the ancestors are close. That much I know. They are close around us, always with us, moving in our movements, speaking through our mouths.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

And so that is a bit I do not withhold from you today. I believe that when we die, we die. And that it is okay and right and good to be recycled by the Great Sea of Being into our own new parts of the blessing of the Ten Thousand Things.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

May we all be blessings.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0May we be so today, and each day we are mindful enough to remember<\/span>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Love,<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

~Catharine~<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u200bWe own nothing. Nothing is ours. Not even love so fierce it burns like baby stars. But this poverty is our greatest gift: The weightlessness of us as things around begin to shift. Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls, from “Everything in its Own Time” Two weeks ago, I\u00a0had\u00a0an embarrassment of spiritual riches through my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7569,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7568"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7568"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7568\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewayoftheriver.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}